Self Kindness Deficiency

This is the first prompt from Niki’s The Richness of a Simple Life’s

Kindness Challenge: Week I Focus- Self Kindness

Practicing Self Kindness…

I am horrible at self kindness. I am not the woman who mediates towards self love or begins the day with a positive daily affirmation.

I begin the day with copious cups of coffee coupled with the  motivational, loud chanting of anxiety.

I am self aware of my self kindness deficiency.  I am not looking to blame people, or life events. It’s who I am. I own it. I do realize it’s not always pleasant living with a glass half empty  kind of person. Sometimes the glass shatters. I try my best to clean up the pieces and move on. I am usually embarrassed, but I move on and promise not to get myself in such a state, until the next time.

Recently, some people disappointed me.  I immediately assumed they were out to get me. I started fantasizing about moving away and starting over because my name was probably being dragged through the mud during conversations at pick up!

A few days later, I realized my disappointment was not personal. People are careless and self absorbed, and even the kindest people overlook things. We are all overscheduled and busy. Things happen.

When I feel the crazy, self hatred wheels spinning, I am sane enough to take the following steps to attempt self kindness:

1. Be Quiet- Do not say or do anything volatile to large group of people that will force me to move later: shouting behind my keyboard on social media, or stomping my feet and ignoring others like a spoiled child.
2. Vent-Vent like a crazy person to those safe and sorry souls who know I am conducting the crazy train. They listen and move on and won’t tell everyone I lost it, again.
3. Cook-I get lost in the kitchen. The symphony of cooking is therapeutic. My family benefits greatly.
4. Read- I absorb myself in a fictional character’s drama. Her drama is so much sexier than mine.
5. Family-I cocoon myself within my family. I plan special family time with my husband and daughters whether they want to hang out with me or not.
6. 3-R’s-Time– This is the most important step. It’s time to regroup, rethink, and reframe. Most of the time that’s enough. I have removed myself from negative situations after I had the time to regroup, rethink, and reframe to make that difficult decision.

I utilize the self awareness techniques above to live mindfully for my family and me. I believe self awareness is a form of self kindness. I certainty do not live in self denial because that makes me a traitor to myself which is the most unkindest cut of all.

Marcus Antonius:
For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar’s angel.
Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar lov’d him!
This was the most unkindest cut of all;
For when the noble Caesar saw him stab,
Ingratitude, more strong than traitors’ arms,
Quite vanquish’d him: then burst his mighty
heart. . . .

Julius Caesar Act 3, scene 2, 181–186