Yoga Pants. The yoga pants, topknot, long shirt, sneakers, and jean jacket. It looks thrown together, but not really. The yoga pants are not really yoga pants. I know the fashionistas call us mammas out on this outfit choice, but the last time I checked I’m not on Bravo. Yoga pants are comfy, forgiving, utilitarian, mom garb.
The Top. The top can’t be just any top. Too short and panty lines are visible. “What about a thong?” A chirpy, subconscious voice from 20 years ago squeaks. My present day conscious gives her a dirty look and her perky, bouncy self, runs and hides into a dark corner of my mind. My conscious and I take note to build a padded, locked cell in there later after laundry. Perky? Who is perky? When I was perky, I wasn’t perky.
I digress. Back to the shirt, Yes. OK. Long and baggy enough to cover the perpetual baby bump, but not too long and baggy because too much bagginess creates gossip about a potential bump.
Top Knot. Not too messy. Not quite rolled out of bed messy. Not tried to hard. Mom grab chic. Hair twirled around the elastic. High enough. Cute, but not six-year-old cute.
Jean jacket. No more puffy jacket! The jean jacket adds a little edge to the look of not trying for a look. I don’t want to look like I came home from the gym, or I am going to the gym. Yes, I showered. The jean jacket says it all.
Sneakers. Not my stinky, sweaty kicks. My cute, trendy, not too trendy, bargain, prize Target kicks.
Make up. Crickets…Clear mascara for my crazy brows, mascara for my too light lashes.
Fillers? One can dream. Instead, I will take preventative measures and put on my oil-free, sunblock moisturizer.
What’s that? Yup, my roots are really showing in this topknot. Whatever, oversized sunglasses will make it better.
Five minutes before I go. Keys? Yes, practice perky.
Anatomy of a Uniform