*Beware of swearing. I’m being tough! 🙂
If you read my past New Year’s post Evolve creates Resolve you know that I do not believe in flat New Year’s Resolutions. Becoming better at life is a process, an evolution of the soul.I also discussed that certain inspirational sayings, “Follow Your Dreams” “and “Hard Work will Make your Dreams Come True” spark my gag reflex. Let’s add a savory dose of reality to the overly-saccharined, motivational quotes:
Life has a lot of zips and zags that may temporarily demolish our dreams. If we work hard, we can reincarnate our dreams like a badass Phoenix.
That’s my style.
I feel similarly about the Valentine’s Day themed sayings, “Love Yourself”. I do agree that it is important to love ourselves. That’s part of the Fabulous and Fit Mama journey: loving and owning who she is, everyday.Still, when I read the simple sentence “Love Yourself” I feel my intestines squirm because I think “How the Hell do we do that? How do we get there?
Then, I came across the “mama” of all self-love quotes “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”-Oscar Wilde. Now that makes sense.
Romance in general is tough: Fall in love, sparks, first fights, ebbs and flows. Having a love affair with yourself is no different. We think things are going pretty well in our life; we have confidence and swagger and then BAM! A life-altering event, things don’t go our way, or monstrous person shakes us until every single nugget of self-confidence is eaten by our insecurities and self-doubt.
Yes, that really sucks. We can’t break up with ourselves. We are committed to our body and soul. The real love affair begins when we make the choices and dare to act on rekindling who want to be in life: a stronger, iron-pumping, no bullshit taking mama.
Do we get a permanent, happier ever after? No. Loving ourselves is a “lifelong romance”. It takes discipline and constant tweaking because our lives are always changing and the dual revolving door of lovely people and snake-in-the-grass assholes is forever turning.
Toxic relationship bombs periodically drop on our self-love affair: whispers from the past, or a present-day overscheduled life. Both of these issues polarize us from strengthening our self-love affair. We all walk around with something from our past that holds us back. We are afraid to let people in or make a choice that may take us back to face the same criticisms and pain. Ironically, that’s why scars from the past are positive. Go about things differently; change your route. Those same idiots (real people, or idiotic events or choices) won’t be hiding on every corner waiting to pounce. They are on your old path, waiting to naysay someone else.
An over scheduled life is an epidemic. The demands we put on ourselves are high. It is hard to say “No”. Sometimes we don’t want to say “No”. Giving all we have to everyone else sucks the self-love right out of us. Just take a good look at your overscheduled schedule. If it is overscheduled because of necessity, OK. If your life is overscheduled because you think it should be overscheduled, think about Why? Are there cracks in your schedule? Can you fit yourself in anywhere? Can you make the crack into an actual space?
Of course there is temptation. We look at pictures or read posts about other people’s lives. We want to cheat on ourselves because we desire what they have. Remember, you are witnessing a moment. You have no idea how hard it is for that person to maintain her lifelong self-love affair. You may be in a much more solid relationship with yourself than you realize. Stop looking at others. Look at yourself. Work on yourself.
The raw truth is we know what will spark our coveted “lifelong love affair”. Whether it’s growing some iron skin, silencing the past, finding time in the present, or even lacing up our dusty sneakers, we know what we have to do to love ourselves a little bit more. Stop talking about it. Start moving. If you are lucky enough, you have a lifetime to
jog sprint towards nourishing the love of your life: Your Fabulous and Fit Self.
Happy Valentine’s Day to my Fabulous and Fit Mamas!